My first Squam. I walked into the lush woods. I followed pompoms and sun catchers and walked deeper in. And days after my return, I feel as if I am still walking slowly out of that forest.
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finding my way
Squam is a magical place. And like those woods, it is layered. Layered with people, history, colored paper and thread.
There were artists who write and writers that paint. And doctors and lawyers that left hospitals and offices to do both. So brave.
I came a bit undone in those woods. Unhinged emotionally. And unhinged creatively. Opened. Then sewed back together. And that is all good.
Color and Composition. Vintage pieces of paper. Old stamps. Brightly patterned fabric swatches. Amazing photos for inspiration. Watercolor pencils. Gouache. A nearby sewing machine used for the very first time. Tiny bits of paper and inspiration everywhere. Music softly playing in the background. Thank you Kayte Terry. Within 24 hours of being home, I was back at the sewing machine channeling your class.
sewing on paper
Unconventional embroidery. Brightly colored threads. A pile of old pictures. Metal screen. A drill. Permission to color completely outside the lines. Vintage strips of colored fabrics. A old art box. Sewing into wood. Tiny bells. Chain stitches. Soft background voices of like-minded souls. Cal Patch, I brought a piece of your calm home with me. I am so grateful.
stitching on wood
I met some amazing women. Woman who make the road by walking. Woman who risk. Who sing though tears fall. Woman who live their truth in words, color and most importantly, through action.
a new friend’s wish on the wish tree. It is my wish too.
The Saturday at Squam was my mother’s birthday. She would have been 78. She died four and half years ago. I did not know I had so many tears left. She had lived in New Hampshire for a short time and loved it. I felt her everywhere. She was the wind that blew my hair from my eyes as I walked through those woods. She was the mossy hearts I found along the path.
hearts found along the way
We were all in the woods together. Some came in groups. Some wandered in alone. Many returned. So many strong circles of friendship. I stood inside circles and outside circles. Feelings of belonging and aloneness. And as close as we walked together in those woods, Squam is a very individual experience. Personal.
I made many connections. Lasting friendships no doubt. But I also came face to face with me. The creative, driven and intense me. The adventurous and affirmative me. And because of Squam, I have returned a calmer, gentler version.
my wish on the wish tree…written moments before the drive home
If I could share one moment with you from Squam, I would have poet, Maya Stein read aloud to you. Because as much as I felt completely open and raw, there were threads that put me back together again. This poem by Maya is one of those threads. This is just a tiny piece of it, but a piece that I hold onto.
“Ask for help. Not in the way of apology or guilt.
Not in the way that contorts you into the shell of your own power. Not in the way that drills your guts into the ground. Not in the way that divorces you from boldness. Ask for help in the way that expands you, that blushes you awake to your own life.” -Maya Stein
the lake calls us all
So I am back. And my close friends would say I am strangely quiet. I am not really talking on the phone or doing email.
I am just processing this experience that was as lush as those woods.
And I am grateful for it.
xo.
Beautiful.
May your Squam experience continue to manifest in your soul. Continue to be generous, seek freedom, and let it be always easy.
OMG Colleen, this is so amazing. Now I am the one with tears! So inspiring. I love your writing, It makes me feel calm. I, too lost my mom 4 years ago…XOXO
Wow. It sounds like and amazing experience. A deep one and what a beautiful piece you wrote. Maybe one day I’ll go there. Enjoy the peaceful you x
Such a pleasure meeting you, Colleen, and getting to share an art table with you for a little while! I hope we can meet up in Philly sometime. I’d love to see your studio! xoxox
Thank you for your honest and beautiful post! I am inspired by your artwork and am so glad that I brought home one of your words for my studio
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Colleen-thank you for taking us along on your beautiful journey into the woods…and into your own quietness. Every day you were away I thought of you and prayed for Peace & Stillness to rest their gentle wings on you. For rest and for renewing. For connection and for silence. What a poetic testament to your squam experience-well written, thoughtful, and such gorgeous photos! Not only are in an innovator, but you are also a painter, photographer, and a writer–among other wonder*FULL*ness. xo
oh oh oh Colleen!! you captured ALL of it. my heart– you captured ALL of it. oh, I am going to read, and re-read this post over and over as you captured All of it so beautiful, so poetically– so deeply truly. THANK you. xxoxoxoxo, e
I can feel your calmness through your writing and you seem changed. The post was warm and inspiring and beautiful. Love the pics. It looks like a gorgeous place and I am so happy you found peace in that beautiful place my friend.
Beautiful. Just like you. So glad we met and trusting we will keep connecting. xoxo
No doubt. There is a long conversation to be had over some meal Meghan…..I look forward to it. We almost did sit down over lunch, then a photo op!
Colleen, thank you for sharing this. I’ve heard that Squam is a transforming experience and based on your post, I can see that it it. I could especially relate to the loss of your Mom; I lost my Mom, just a year ago.
I look forward to seeing what you experienced through your art.
Colleen, this is beautiful! I’m glad I got to be a part of your Squam experience, and you of mine!
“standing inside circles and outside circles, feelings of belonging and aloneness, a very individual experience, ” Colleen, you’ve captured the paradox that is Squam brilliantly.
awww, sweet lovely colleen! it was wonderful having you in class; your embroidered writing desk was exactly the kind of project i envisioned for *unconventional embroidery*. thanks for your delightful presence; i brought a bit of you home with me too… and i hope your wish comes true! i suspect it already is…
Yes, indeed Cal. I am moving a bit slower with intention since my return. I took my embroidered writing desk to the beach yesterday and played with watercolor pencils. Such serene, calm fun….
Oh, Colleen! I visited your site soon after I returned from this fabulous natural wonderland. I wanted to remember those I met and was fearful that I would quickly loose that connection if I didn’t glimpse immediately into their worlds. There were so many things that resonated with me on your site. Your transition from brief case to paint brush, leaving the ‘traditional’ trappings behind to seek what really filled your soul. Then I return today to this most delightful post! And Maya’s poem hit home…the same feeling when I heard her read it aloud. It really resonates what I need to do to move forward with my creative journey, as I don’t know how much longer I can deny my creative soul the life it needs! love to you dear friend, it was such a pleasure! I will be in touch!
Julia, so good to see you here. When you have a creative soul, the longing to express yourself starts as a whisper…then gets louder. It is very hard to ignore. Listen to it; it has not lead me astray. It was a joy to meet you in those woods….